


the work it takes to make a home

by melwonapop



Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, M/M, Rough Kissing, Trauma, Very Light Fluff, light fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:21:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24908299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melwonapop/pseuds/melwonapop
Summary: "Here. Of course. Here in Lea’s arms, on the bed they bought and built together, with the quilts gifted to them by the wizard Lea trained under. The bedroom is smaller than the others just so they could give the master to the kids. And the built-in bathroom that sometimes smelt a little too much like hair products. Here was where he was. Loved by his companions, not feared. Respected by his companions, not contemptible."an introspective Isa fic that deals with his trauma of being a nobody.
Relationships: Axel/Saïx (Kingdom Hearts), Isa/Lea (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 44





	the work it takes to make a home

Isa couldn't do control. Isa couldn't do out of control either. Not after all that happened in his past being a vessel for others to control. To be a tamed beast told when to hurt and be hurt. Now a grown man with his heart intact he knew he wanted to feel--damn it, he worked too hard to get his humanity back. Nonetheless, the amount he felt became too overwhelming to bear at times.

He felt overwhelmed with the love that was given so freely by his new friends, his peers, his adoptive children who he knows he would do absolutely no harm to, and of course the man he has kept closest to his heart when it felt like the rest of the world was chained down. When his heart left, took a vacation across the realms and finally returned with a tinge of color he couldn't process the souvenirs it brought to him. It asked him about the prizes it won for him and to return the feeling of sweet adoration. It asked to grip and hold tight and never let go; please, don't let me go again I've missed our time together. 

He thinks of the same when he is around Lea--no matter how long, he’s always tempted to stay for more. If there was one thing he could do for Lea it was run his hands through his wisps and gaze longingly until one of them breaks with a blush. Those eyes always told him something. Always telling him more about him then he could realize by himself. Peeking through he saw so many more concepts--the world in a revitalized way. Not like when he lived his days in a dull-muted light. The days when the moon seemed more pale than what he remembered from Radiant Garden. 

Everyone knew Lea for his energy and raw passion but if you knew Isa then you'd know his passion competed against Lea’s. He was persistent, at least one trait that stayed during his time as a Nobody. But now that those days were destroyed along with the man he once was, he had to make up entirely for what he’s done. Isa was introspective, but that didn’t mean he was the best at saying what he meant. At least when it came to the emotional aspects of a relationship. Moving forward from the Organization he acted carefully when speaking to others. The words he uttered during his Nobody days caused too much hurt he cannot undo and maybe he understands that all too well.

He went through great lengths to ensure the safety of Roxas and Xion, both him and Lea helping them heal and become the children they could finally be. He saw who they were becoming, filled to the brim with curiosity and always sensitive to the sensations of living. 

The quiet times when Roxas taught Xion the basics of skateboarding. Brutal falls from a miscalculated turn peppered her skin with scrapes. But still, he saw the flecks of determination spawn after each nasty lick lacerated her palms and elbows. Both of them unfamiliar with varying concepts; Roxas took on the task of an improvising instructor, planning around Xion’s progress but unsure how to piece the lessons together because he never had this level of guidance; just trial and error or by word of the Nobodies. Xion became an eager learner under Roxas and swiftly adjusted to the cut and try approach he scrambled to teach her. Within a few weeks of constant practice she quickly caught up to Roxas, to everyone’s praise. And now they both always ask permission first before leaving to skateboard with their friends.

Those louder times when Isa felt that specific rising tension waiting to spill over with only Roxas or Xion around to alleviate the pain. They wore explicitly worried looks on their faces the first time Isa felt tightness coil around his heart. Roxas shot his body at Isa first, wrapping tightly around his frame because those times he laid at night with a weakened heart, he felt comfort in the arms of Lea or Xion. Xion’s body whitened with reluctance to approach Isa. She knew he changed but she couldn’t escape being the primary one at the end of a vicious lecture or observant to the blood-curdling wake of the hound. But both shared in their concern whether they were doing it right. She was the one who sought out Lea. After the incident, he and Lea came to the realization that they were becoming more socially aware of their surroundings. The two developed into considerate young adults he and Lea couldn’t be more proud of. Tears formed especially in the children’s eyes, so scared they would lose Isa to the torment of being a beast at the expense of his heart.

And the lazy times they would share as a family eating sugary treats. Isa put in an order for a fruit tart at the booming new restaurant: Le Grand Bistro. The arrival of the colorful pastry raised excitement among Roxas and Xion but the two soured as the tart settled in their mouths; a glazed assortment of tart fruit raised a wave of disappointment. Isa ate away at the dessert and smirked at the two who thought they were devouring a cake and slightly disappointed at the sour taste. There was something rewarding to see their dynamics play so plainly.

He loved their responses but felt like a hypocrite because he could not stand the noise of a drink too strong, or the smell of spices that lingered on his palette for too long. He had to settle down, he knew he should have emotions but when your body remains a hollow shell meant to die for more than half of your existence it feels like everything else is drowning.

So when Isa and Lea laid down for the night he thought of their time together, as well as the future to come. He wants a taste of innocence he can absorb through the sleepy man next to him, lazily playing footsies just because they can. Despite his desires, he knows neither of them will come close to innocent. Pure was a word that was saved for Roxas and Xion, forced into war without even asking to be alive. Pure was a word for when him and Lea spent their youth in Radiant Garden aiding a young girl forced as an experiment. He is not pure and can never come close to it again, but he can give his best now and desperately hope to receive love. He wants something there to hold his hand when he drifts too far from home; to tell him he is loved and always will be loved. He wants to be admired when he so slightly lifts his face into a gentle smile at the amusement Roxas and Xion share discovering the abilities of the little chef at the booming bistro.

"You know," the man next to him spoke up, "I can tell when you're thinking a little too hard when you stare at me like that." 

Isa could see the worry on Lea's face but the redhead masked it with a witty smile that radiated every ounce of energy he had since they were teens.

“Do I have something on my face?” Lea lifted a finger to pick at his face to make Isa feel better, “Or am I just handsome?”

But Isa couldn't offer words. There’s still more he had to heal from. More he thought he already grew from but still there was always one. More. Thing. 

There wasn't much he was sure of anymore and he knew Lea felt that as well. They were trying to put this, whatever this was, back together. But for now he couldn’t resist those longing gazes or joining their bodies whenever they could; this was becoming something more than he could handle. He savored becoming a union for their hearts to converse about the time they had exploring away from each other: always discussing what they learned and what they could do without and what they could be and what if--what if?

What? They were never sure. Isa was learning that sometimes it didn't necessarily need to make sense. Between the two of them, Lea grappled with the concept better. When they couldn’t put their thoughts into words, they would share in touches only they knew.

Isa did just that. He answered Lea by closing the gap between them. The sheets rustled slightly as he moved his arms to enclose the lithe man, gentle as he could be. Always gentle. Lea understood what it meant. Of course he wanted an answer, but for now he’d leave it be and embraced his lovers intimacy.

Lea pushed blue strands of hair away so he could lay before Isa’s intense gaze. Isa took this opportunity to position himself above Lea, caging him in for only Isa to see. He raised his hands to hold Lea’s face and peer at all the features he missed celebrating. Isa leaned in slightly to graze Lea’s open lips, testing what kisses he’d leave on the fiery man before settling into locking their lips. 

It felt like he was melting, or was it Lea? None of it mattered at the moment. He knew it didn’t have to make sense as their kiss deepened and the temperature of the room made it harder to breathe (it didn’t help that Lea was already a furnace). Everything made sense with Lea in his arms, laid underneath him and begging for more. Lea dug his fingers into Isa’s nightshirt, crinkling it slightly to tug on the man above him. Isa obliged by settling closer so both their chests touched. He worried about crushing Lea but the heat building up felt too good to stop. All Isa could do was give more and more, raking through Lea’s hair slowly so he could feel every bit of his body against him. The both of them becoming a breathy mess from the passionate suckling. With his free hand he rubbed circles into Lea’s cheeks, making Lea stifle a giggle into Isa’s mouth from the sudden sensation. And Isa could almost explode. Those small gestures made Isa a devout to Lea and the kids. He lent every part of him to make their lives beautiful. It all felt right in the tender caress of the man he held so dearly to him.

But a fire sweltered inside of him. A tingle crept up his neck and he felt like his senses were becoming stronger than what he desired. He felt his heart quiver in its cavity--like it feared what he would become. This wasn’t what he meant by explode. His pulse beat against him and his skin burned like every one of his organs knew what came next and were ripping through him to abandon ship. Terror traveled through his body, causing small spasms and an unnerving twitch to form on his face. 

Isa was scared of becoming who he once was, a beast chained to its master only unleashed to mutilate the meek. He gasped for air and clenched for the sheets, the empty mug on the dresser, his best friend’s arm--anything that gave him leverage. The feeling of uncertainty danced across his vision and he could only ask for one thing. Isa gave a pleading look to Lea. 

Please, help me.

Lea knew that look well. This wasn’t the first time he calmed Isa’s nerves. He understood Isa was recovering from being a recusant to the Organization all those years. Lea fastened himself to Isa to keep him steady. Isa wasn’t going to hurt him and certainly not the kids; he knew that but Isa didn’t.

“Isa,” Lea firmly said, softening once their eyes met, “It’s ok, Isa.”

“Look at me,” Lea gently pulled Isa forward so their foreheads could meet, “I won’t let you go. Not after all that we’ve been through, not after all we’ve built.”

Isa thought he felt his teeth become jagged, but nothing came.

“You’re here. Not there.”

Here. Of course. Here in Lea’s arms, on the bed they bought and built together, with the quilts gifted to them by the wizard Lea trained under. The bedroom is smaller than the others just so they could give the master to the kids. And the built-in bathroom that sometimes smelled a little too much like hair products. Here was where he was. Loved by his companions, not feared. Respected by his companions, not contemptible. 

His chest became stable again after a battle to bring his pulse down. His eyes didn’t burn like they used to. On his lips he could faintly taste the sea salt ice cream his family ate in town before coming home. Those ice creams always entranced him with it’s bright baby blue coloring. Not a deep blue that he knew was most suitable for him. 

Isa knew it was cliche, yet he couldn’t help but understand those D-rated romance novels the guards of Radiant Garden would discuss under their noses. When he and Lea eat those special ice creams with each other it feels like that’s the only thing they were meant to do. The summer wind blowing the creamy treats into little droplets. Both Isa and Lea becoming a sticky mess laughing off the dotted stains on their clothing. He will always stay for that.

Isa slowly leaned into Lea’s chest, placing his face in the crook of his neck. Relieved yet still searching for air. Lea brushed through Isa’s hair to help soothe. Their clothes slightly strewn from their previous activities.

“Thank you,” Isa breathed, lazily peppered kisses on Lea’s neck “I can’t thank you enough, Lea.”

They are growing into something, a new flavor, a new color. Whatever it was Isa knew it was what he wanted.

Lea was his comfort. He was certain about that.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you all for reading! this is my first time posting a written work so i hope it was enjoyable! i've been sitting on this fic for over a year now due to general anxiety about uploading it (as well some life stuff that made me busy) but i finally got it out there :3


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